Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Is There An App For That?

Upon hearing the Ten Commandments recited by the congregation on Sunday morning, a certain boy who remains nameless touched the eraser of his pencil to his chin. As this is the universal sign for pondering a deep thought, I felt my pulse quicken and braced myself. Please, I thought. Don't ask me about THAT one.
"Mom?" he asked in his very best exaggerated whisper (most likely heard three rows away), "what's adultery?"
Yup. That's the one.
My face flushed a little, my stomach muscles tightened and I looked around for a hasty exit. Just an hour earlier, I attended the first session of a 7 week series of Sunday school classes about thriving, not just surviving, the parenting journey. How appropriate. I was definitely in survival mode. Maybe I could stall, tell him his Dad would explain it at lunch. I didn't think that would satisfy his curiosity. I considered playing the 'I'll explain when you're older' card but assumed that would also lead to a litany of questions in a much louder tone of voice.
Is there an app for this particular stage of our journey? A quick and easy script for when I have absolutely no idea what to say? Or what not to say, in this case. As with the rest of life these days, perhaps the sheer volume of information provided would be far greater than necessary. He is mostly unaware of the birds and the bees. Graphics, diagrams, even stick figures are out of the question.
So I took a deep breath or three, hoped for the best and wrote him a note. A very brief explanation printed on his sketch pad. Right there next to his drawings of epic battles and dueling light sabers:
Having more than one wife, I wrote. His eyes got big and round.
Wishing your friend's girlfriend was your girlfriend instead, I wrote again. His eyes got even bigger and he shook his head slowly.
"I do NOT know what you are talking about," he whispered.
Well, good. Let's keep it that way. Mission accomplished.
I guess I didn't need that app after all.

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